You call it Madness, but I call it Love
by tulzdavampslayer
Summary: It's been two years since Matt Parkman last saw her, so why is Audrey Hanson coming back into his life? She says she needs his help, but what does that mean for Matt, and is Audrey the only one who is need of help?


Matt/Audrey fic-a-thon – fic #4

By Tulzdavampslayer

You call it madness, but I call it love. By Don Byas

Summary – Audrey comes back into Matt's life after two years with a surprise.

Disclaimer – The show Heroes and all characters from it is not mine. Big surprise. NBC, Tim Kring… yeah you know the drill.

Spoiler Warning – It's not particularly spoilery, but I'm warning you anyway. May contain semi-spoilers for "Parasite."

Author's Notes – Well this started with one simple plot and ended up changing its own storyline three or four times. I'm not entirely sure how that happened. When I got to the seventh page I started to realise what was going on, and told it to hurry up and have some sort of ending. It's almost inspiring me to write more and make it a bit of a series, but I'm fully aware that none of the series I start get finished. I can't even finish my novels, and they're supposed to be a career. Sigh. Enough about me. Also the school camp analogy late in the fic? Ignore it. I'm not entirely sure where it came from, or why it decided to make its home there.

Oh and for those who I confuse, _italics is Audrey's thoughts, **bold italics is Matt's projection,**_ -text like this is on the phone-, and line breaks can mean whatever I feel like them meaning. Usually they mean a change of perspective, but can also be a change of scene. Also, they are of the pretty.

* * *

Matt Parkman stood just inside the Primatech building where he knew she wouldn't be able to see him. She had been sitting in her car for the past three hours, and Matt had been sent to decide whether or not she was a threat to security. He had laughed in their faces, but he'd gone anyway, sure it was actually Candace doing yet another test of his loyalty to the company. After two years, you'd think they'd have stopped testing and started believing.

She was alone. He hadn't expected anything else. She didn't exactly get along well with others. She hated meeting new people. They always disappoint you.

It had been so long, but he could still hear her voice in his memories. Janice's voice had disappeared a long time ago.

Matt cleared his mind and focused on listening to the thoughts of the blonde woman outside.

_-You standing back there. Seriously, Parkman. I can see you. Parkman, I know you can hear me, so just get your ass out here. Parkman? I can see you standing back there!_

Matt blinked and disconnected himself. There was no way she could see him. He was standing behind a brick wall, for God's sake. How could she see him? What was she doing here? After all this time, why had she come looking for him? Why had she started believing in his power again? Why was he asking himself these questions when he could be asking her?

* * *

Audrey sighed in relief as Parkman walked towards her car. It was so good to see him. She was surprised how good. He looked different. The past two years had changed him. He looked harder, less honest, almost dangerous. When he looked up from the ground he seemed so intent on staring at, there was something in his eyes that made a shiver run down her spine.

"About time you came out here, Parkman," she said as she stepped out of her car. "I've been yelling at this building for hours. I would have thought you'd have picked it up a little earlier."

Parkman's lip twitched. "Yelling?"

Audrey shrugged. "Yelling, thinking loudly, projecting, whatever. Took you long enough. I thought you couldn't control it, that you heard everything."

"Yeah well, things change," Parkman's voice had a sardonic edge to it that it never used to have.

"I can see that," Audrey said.

* * *

Matt was impressed. Candace had never been this good before. Every thought was pure Audrey Hanson.

"So how's life at the paper factory?" she asked, her tone showing how unimpressed she was with the idea of the existence of a paper factory, no mind Matt working at one.

"You're getting sloppy, Candace," Matt admonished her. "You're asking that way too early."

"Candace? Who the hell is Candace?" she asked, the confusion almost showing on her face but not quite.

"Oh come on, you can't be serious," Matt laughed. "Do you really think Audrey Hanson would come looking for me after two years, no matter how I felt about her? She's even less likely to look for me than my ex-wife is."

* * *

Audrey was thrown. "What's happened to you that you don't even recognise me? Please Matt, I need you to know me. I need your help." _What can I say that would make you believe me?_

"What did you say?" Matt asked.

Audrey sighed. "I need your help."

Matt shook his head. "No, not then. Before. When we were here before. What thought did I hear from you in the car, right before I read Bennet's mind?"

"Parkman…" Audrey threw her hands in the air and turned away from him. "That was two years ago, you expect me to remember?"

"Well, if you want me to believe you, this is it. Something you never would have told anyone, something I never told anyone. Something you called me. Do you remember?"

_Of course I remember._

"Then say it."

Audrey turned back to him, and looked him in the eyes. _Your eyes are so hard now._ "I called you cute. Can I be me now?"

Matt smirked, something Audrey couldn't remember him ever doing before. "Why not?"

* * *

"What's happened to you, Parkman?" Audrey asked him, sitting cross-legged on the floor of his office. "You used to be soft and naïve and… honest. Now you're all mistrust and edges."

Matt took a swig of his beer and lay back down on his empty desk. "A lot has happened."

"Tell me about it," Audrey mumbled into her beer bottle. _I shouldn't be here._

Matt frowned. "Then leave."

Audrey looked up, startled. "I'd almost forgotten. It's been so long. Anyway that's not what I meant. I don't want to leave. I just don't really know what I'm doing here."

"You're drinking beer with someone you haven't spoken to in years. What part of that don't you get?" Matt downed the rest of his beer and threw it haphazardly toward the bin in the corner. "Why are you here anyway?"  
_You're the only one I can trust._ "I needed your help."

Matt pretended to ignore Audrey's thought. "Sylar's dead, and there's no other super-powered serial killer out there that I know of, so what could I possibly help you with? You don't need me." The moment the words left his mouth he regretted it. Here he was, being given a second chance, finally having a chance with someone who actually understood him just a little bit, who understood loyalty and love, who had thought he was cute rather than a failure, who pitied him rather than had another man's baby.

"You know what, never mind. It was stupid to think you could actually help me," Audrey practically snarled as she stood up and headed for the door. _I can't believe I even came here, why was I so incredibly stupid?_

"Audrey, wait-" Matt called after her, jumping off the desk, but she was already in the hall, the heavy wooden door slamming in his face. Exhaling the breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding in, he slid to the floor, his back against the door, and listened for her thoughts.

* * *

_What was I thinking…_ Audrey kicked the elevator door as she stood there waiting.I just want to get out of here, what is taking this thing so long… 

The elevator made that universally familiar 'ding' as its doors opened. Audrey didn't move. Instead, she reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone. _I am going to kill him for putting me up to this..._

As the number she had called dialed, Audrey watched the elevator close its doors and continue on without her. _Good. All that moving between floors would give my eyes a headache._

-Hello? -

"Peter, I am going to kick your ass for telling me to see him," Audrey growled at the younger man on the other end of the phone.

-Come on Aud, it couldn't have been that bad. -

"Try me," Audrey replied, her eyes lingering back to Parkman's closed office. _Oh. That's odd._

-Did you tell him? -

"What do _you_ think, genius? He didn't even believe I was me, and when I finally managed to convince him of that, he barely opened up enough for me to find out anything. How could I tell him what's happening, especially knowing who he works for?" Audrey sniped at Peter. _He's not like them yet though. That's nice._

-Sorry Aud. But he's not like them. You know that. -

"He's changed," Audrey said. _He's been changed, rather._

-How much? -

"Not enough for their liking, I'd imagine. Not too much for mine." _Thank God._

-Why, what happened? -

"I have to go. I'll be back in New York in a couple of days."

-Audrey, what's going—

Audrey shoved her phone back in her jacket pocket and took a deep breath. _Here goes nothing._

* * *

_What was I thinking… I just want to get out of here, what is taking this thing so long…_

Matt bowed his head. No wonder. He hadn't done a thing to make her want to stay. Maybe that was good. He wasn't exactly the safest person to be around.

_I am going to kill him for putting me up to this…_

He wondered who had told Audrey to come see him. Someone at the FBI? But they had no need for him, and none of them had any idea of what Primatech really did.

_Good. All that moving between floors would give my eyes a headache._

Okay, that one didn't make any sense.

_Oh. That's odd._

Matt wondered if Audrey had momentarily lost sanity. He couldn't make any sense of her thoughts anymore. He knew she was talking to someone about him, that she wasn't happy, and that she'd just noticed something out of the ordinary. Was there something in the hall? Had the guy Audrey was talking to said something? Or had Audrey just remembered what Matt had said that afternoon about having some sort of feelings for her?

_He's not like them yet though. That's nice._

Matt breathed a sigh of relief. That didn't sound like she hated him. He didn't know if he could handle that anymore.

_He's been changed._

Matt laughed cynically. That was true enough. So much had happened to him over the last two years. His power, the whole Sylar adventure, the exciting and wonderful drama that was his discovery that the baby Janice had just given birth to wasn't his, joining the 'Primatech' security team… You could take your pick. Matt felt like everything that had happened over the past few years had happened _to_ him, rather than him doing anything to make it happen. Maybe that was destiny. More likely just dumb luck.

_Thank God._

Thank God? Why? What? He was really missing a piece of the puzzle that appeared to be Audrey Hanson's mind.

_Here goes nothing._

Matt stood and moved away from the door, nerves turning his guts upside down.

_Oh come on. It was so much cuter when you were sitting on the floor all sad about me leaving._

Matt practically jumped out of his skin.

_Are you going to open that any time soon?_

Matt didn't move.

_Fine._

Audrey opened the door. "Surprise," she said sarcastically. "I assume you've been listening in?"

Matt just stared at her.

"Oh come on, Parkman. I couldn't let you have all the spying fun now, could I?"

Matt shook his head in confusion. "Audrey, I'm not entirely sure I have the whole picture here."

Audrey rolled her eyes. "Really, Parkman. I know the people you work for have been keeping tabs on people like us. You seriously expect me to believe I'm not on file somewhere in the depths of this building?"

Matt took a step towards her, finding what was happening incredibly difficult to believe. "You have a power."

"Yes."

"You can see through walls."

"Yes."

"That's… pretty cool," he laughed.

"Not really," Audrey corrected. "Remember what you said once, about hearing things that could ruin lives? I'd love to go through a day without seeing some horrible act of humanity. Claude's right, people really do suck. Plus, I run into things sometimes."

Matt laughed again.

Audrey took a step towards him, closing the space between them. "You going to turn me in, Parkman? 'Cause I'd rather not be a guinea-pig if you don't mind. I've heard the stories from this place, some of them from you. How can you work for these monsters?"

Matt looked at the ceiling, avoiding Audrey's eyes. "You know the old saying 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer'?"

"Not good enough, Matt." _Dammit. I keep doing that._

"Audrey, you don't have to be sorry for using my name. I call you by your first name, is it really that weird for you to use my name?"

_It gives me ideas._ _God dammit. _"Forget you heard that."

"Yes ma'am," Matt said, and laughed again.

Audrey stepped back and looked around Matt's office casually. "So… you know this room is bugged, right?"

Matt's eyes widened. "I guessed, but I wasn't sure. Audrey, I'm so sorry. If I'd known…"

"Not a problem. It all looks like recording stuff. Someone probably reviews the tapes at a later date. No point in watching someone 24/7 when you can fast forward your way through their life. It's what I'd do."

Matt frowned. This was the final straw. All the protection in the world was not worth what these people had done to him. What he had seen. What he had heard. What he had done.

"I think I quit," he announced, and started rummaging through his desk drawers.

"Good move. Makes what I was going to ask a lot easier," Audrey said as she leaned on the edge of his desk.

Matt looked up at her in alarm. "Not out loud."

"Do I look stupid to you?" _I know what I'm doing, Matt, _Audrey thought, her eyes staring into his, unblinking.

Matt averted his eyes. "Sorry."

_Come with me. Come to New York with me._

* * *

Matt sat on the edge of one of the two beds in the motel room, trying to avoid looking at the bathroom door.

"Shouldn't we be getting out of here? These people do not treat deserters nicely. We should be on the road or on a plane, not hanging around in a motel waiting for them to come find us." And definitely not taking a shower. Hopefully Audrey had no idea what she was doing to Matt's mind just by being naked in the same building as him.

_You worry too much._ "We've got some leeway. From what Claire's told me, they don't watch you all that closely. Her father kept her power hidden for a long time before anyone had any idea. Anyway, there weren't any flights till tomorrow morning, and the car was only rented for today." _God dammit. _"Parkman, there's no towels in here. Can you grab me one?" _Good going, idiot._

Matt's brain stopped functioning on all levels at that point. If he hadn't been thinking about her naked body already, now he wasn't going to be able to think of anything else. He headed towards one of the two closets in the room.

"Not that one," he heard Audrey call from the other room. "Other closet, second shelf."

"That's incredibly unnerving, you know that right?" Matt called as he opened the closet to find the towels Audrey had steered him towards. A thought occurred to him. "Hey, can you see through anything at all?"

_Took you long enough to get that one._ "You really want me to answer that?"

Matt stood outside the door, staring at the handle. "No. Not really."

"Just open the damn door, will you? I'm dripping wet and would rather not stay that way all night."

Matt cringed. She was not helping. He opened the door and, eyes closed as tight as he could get them, stuck the hand holding the towel.

* * *

_Well if that isn't the cutest thing I've seen all day…_ "Thanks," Audrey practically giggled as she took the towel. She'd been watching how uncomfortable he'd been becoming, and had been quite enjoying herself.

"Don't you giggle at me. I'm a gentleman, you shouldn't laugh at gentlemen."

"What are you supposed to do to gentlemen, then?" She teased him. _Oh my God. I'm flirting with him. Oh my God. He can hear me thinking about flirting with him._ "Are you listening to my thoughts?" she called out as she pulled her pants on. _Awkward._

* * *

"I tuned it out a little while ago," Matt lied. He had been listening to her thoughts. It was making him feel better, but at the same time infinitely worse.

_Oh thank God._ "Let me know if you decide to tune back in," Audrey warned as she came out of the bathroom. Matt tried as hard as he could not to stare at her. Old sweatpants and a baggy shirt had never looked sexier. He really really hoped Audrey had no idea what she was doing to him.

Audrey looked up. "When did midnight happen?"

Matt followed her gaze to the clock on the wall. It read 12.15. "I didn't realise it was so late."

Audrey dropped herself onto her bed. "I've been up for over twenty-four hours. I didn't realise how exhausted I was until I looked at the clock." _Stupid clock._

Matt smiled. "You can blame the clock if you like, but that seems a bit childish." Damn.

Audrey looked over at him. "I thought you'd tuned me out," she said accusingly.

"Well…" Matt searched for an excuse, and came up with nothing.

Audrey sighed. "It doesn't matter. I probably am a bit childish these days. I spend too much time with an eighteen year old. Can you get the light? Our plane leaves at eight, and I want to get a few hours of sleep at some point."

* * *

Matt lay in the dark, the only light in the room coming from the clock, which apparently glowed in the dark. Useful, but irritating and tacky. It was almost 3 and he still hadn't managed to get to sleep. He was reliving every moment he'd thought about Audrey over the past two years.

He'd almost called her when he'd left Primatech the first time. He'd wanted to tell her they'd been right, that Sylar had been there, but he knew he'd end up locked up in one of their cells, the same as Ted.

He'd almost called her when the baby was born. A little girl. When Janice had asked him what he thought they should name her, Audrey had been the first name to come to his mind. It was then that he'd heard Janice think about Tom. He'd needed someone to rant at. He'd needed someone to tell him what to do. But they hadn't seen each other in months, and he was convinced she'd forgotten him.

He'd almost called her when the divorce went through. When he'd gone back to Primatech. He knew she'd tell him what he already knew: that he couldn't go there, that he shouldn't work for them. But he had nowhere else to go.

Over and over again, the same thing. He'd never been sure why it had always been almost. He could have called her at any point. He'd wanted to, but he never had.

"Are you awake?" Matt whispered, half-hoping to get no answer.

_I wish I wasn't._

"Sorry."

Audrey groaned. "What do you want, Matt?"

"Did you ever notice in high school, whenever the lights went out at school camps was when the most talking happened? I used to talk to my friends more on those nights than I ever did normally."

_Okay, that doesn't make any sense._ "Why are we talking about high school, Parkman?"

That was a good question. Matt wasn't sure where that had come from. "I don't know. I was just thinking. We'd say things in the dark we never would have considered otherwise," he said, sitting up.

"I never went on school camps."

"Well then I chose an incredibly bad example."

"What do you want to talk about?" _We may as well talk, I'm never getting to sleep._

"Do you have a voice in your head?"

_Oh dear God he's lost his mind._ "Have you lost your mind?"

Matt laughed. "No, I meant your conscience. Inner dialogue, all that. Is it an actual person's voice for you? Someone from your life?"

_Shit. How the hell did he find that out?_ _Oh damn. Not again. _"As I'm sure you're 'tuned in' to me right now, you already know."

"So do I. When I was a kid it was my dad, then it was my grandmother up until a couple of years ago."

* * *

Audrey sat up, letting her legs fall between the two beds. "I'm not sure I'm following this conversation."

Matt looked at her for a minute, not saying anything.

"Matt?" Audrey wished she had his ability just for a moment, just to know what was happening in his mind. "Anyone in there?" She leaned forward and waved a hand in front of his face. Without blinking Matt caught her hand in his own and held it in the air.

"You're my conscience," he said.

Audrey blinked. She hadn't expected that. "I'm… your conscience."

"You're the little voice in my head telling me when I'm being an idiot."

Audrey laughed. "That's insane. Can I have my hand back?"

"What did you mean?" Matt asked. "What did you think I'd found out?"

"Does it matter?" _Please don't make me say it._

"Always."

Maybe it was the darkness of the room, but Matt's face looked softer. His eyes seemed deeper, sadder, but at the same time more hopeful than they had when he had walked over to her that afternoon. Audrey was so busy studying his face to notice that Matt had pulled her over to sit next to him on his bed.

**_Audrey…_**

Audrey jumped. _Did I just… _"I just… did you just… Can you… I heard your voice… in my head…"

"I know. I figured out how to do that six months ago."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Audrey didn't know which she wanted to do more, hit him or hug him.

_**I'd prefer a hug**._

_Stop that._ Audrey grinned. "You're my conscience too, you know."

Matt smiled and finally let go of her hand. "Do I tell you you're being an idiot?"

Audrey laughed. "No. But whenever something horrible happens, your voice is there telling me what I could do to make it better. Comfort this person, donate this, adopt that kid… You can be very annoying sometimes."

"Sorry."

_I like it._ "It's funny more than anything else. For a while I thought I was going crazy."

**_What do you think now?_**

"If you keep doing that, I don't know what I'll think."

* * *

When dawn started to make its way through their window, Matt and Audrey were lying together on Matt's bed asleep, limbs and sheets all tangled. The sunlight on their faces brought them to muddled consciousness. Audrey reluctantly pulled herself out of Matt's arms.

_How did that happen…_

Matt yawned. "I don't even remember going to sleep."

Audrey stood and headed for the bathroom. "I remember talking about voices in our heads and going crazy, and that's it."

"Do you think that's it?" Matt asked as he attempted to remove his right leg from the stranglehold the sheets had on him. "We knew each other for just a couple of weeks, and ever since then had each other's voices in our heads telling us what to do. Sounds pretty mad to me."

"You call this madness, then?" Audrey asked as she closed the door.

"No," Matt murmured. **_I call it love._**

* * *

…_huh._

* * *

A/N – Okay. Definitely odd ending. Sorry. Not my fault. This story definitely had a mind of its own. I hate the first scene. And I'm not too pleased with the last scene either. Huh. 


End file.
